Lawbreaker

In the midnight hours of August 24, a local resident, Heather Grande, was caught on security camera speeding through a red light in a Ford Mustang and endangering the safety of her passenger, Pete Virgo.

 

According to police, after a short car chase down Highway 69, Officer David Dankit was able to stop the vehicle by jumping onto the hood of the assailant's car and startling the driver, Heather Grande, who immediately pulled off to the side of the road and stopped. Officer Dankit also stated that when he jumped onto the vehicle, passenger Pete Virgo appeared to be in mild hysterics and disoriented.

Officer Dankit's handsome partner, Devon Heavon, reported that Heather was wearing a stylish Bob Mackie Vermillion sequined cocktail dress and shoes by famous Malaysian Chinese designer Jimmy Choo. Pete was wearing tight-fitting blue jeans and a white T-shirt with the words "Hot Stuff" written across the front in sparkly rainbow glitter.

When Officer Heavon questioned Pete Virgo, Mr. Virgo alleged that he was being blackmailed by the beautiful Heather Grande in exchange for what he described as heterosexual sex.

Heather refuted Devon's claim and stated that Mr. Heavon was a crazy homosexual and had attempted to steal a $3,000 dollar pair of Jimmy Choo pumps from her slender feet as they approached the intersection, which was her reason for running the red light.

Sobriety tests were administered at the scene and intoxication was ruled out as a possible cause for the disturbance. However, an unopened bottle of Dom Pérignon champagne was found in the back seat.

No arrests were made because both parties declined to press charges against the other. Officer David Dankit issued a reckless driving citation to Heather Grande and officer Heavon escorted the distraught Mr. Virgo home to console him.

UPDATE — Heather Grande reportedly made a plea deal in court and gave a very small donation to D.A.M.N. (The organization which she founded) in lieu of paying traffic fines and having her driver's license suspended.

 *The names in this article were changed to protect the guilty*