Good-bye!

To my "so-called" doctors,

What does obsessive fear and constant worry have to do with being crazy? I'm not sure, but the aliens keep talking about that when I'm in the room, and it's making me feel really annoyed. We are all one breakdown away from being emotionally compromised anyway, so if you look deep enough into your own brain, I bet you'd find a few cells wearing a straitjacket just like the rest of us!

Perhaps you never need to know this, but surely there is somebody out there somewhere who has met you and believes wholeheartedly you are a nut-job! Take me for example, the first thing I notice when I meet someone is the way in which their eyes move about, darting this way and that, or their voice asking me things like, "Are you being supervised?" and "Do you always make a habit of licking people?" What sane person asks those questions?  Of course I lick people!

So you see, most humans believe they are normal and go through life never knowing the truth. Just because I worry every day about falling into a sinkhole or keep the window blinds shut so the stray cats can't see in, doesn't mean I am a lunatic. The truth lies somewhere within our personal perception of reality. Crazy to one is just an alternative reality to another. With that being said, I want to officially request to be left the fuck alone so I can attend the dog surfing competitions this year in Barcelona. The championship isn't actually being held there, but due to my fear of hipsters wearing plaid shoes and my need for cheap wine, Spain is my best option.

Sincerely,
The Great Benjasmine